Books

In this inspiring self-help handbook, a trans activist dares us to be the change we want to see—both out in the world, and amongst our closest connections.

Lifelong activist and educator Dean Spade dares us to decide that our interpersonal actions are not separate from our politics of liberation and resistance. Many activist projects and resistance groups fall apart because people treat each other poorly, trying desperately to live out the cultural myths about dating and relationships that we are fed from an early age. 

How do we divest from the idea that one romantic partner will be the solution to all our problems? How do we bring our best thinking about freedom and justice into step with our desires for healing and connection?  

Love in a F*cked-Up World is a resounding call to action and a practical manifesto for how to combat cultural scripts and take our relationships into our own hands, preparing us for the work of changing the world.

The issues that make monogamous dating daunting for people of color―shaming and exclusion by white partners, being fetishized, having realities of everyday racism ignored―occur in polyamorous relationships too, and trying “not to see race” only makes it worse. To make polyamorous communities inclusive, we must all acknowledge our part in perpetuating racism and listen to people of color. Love's Not Color Blind puts forward the framework―through research, anecdotal testimony, and analogy―for understanding, identifying, and confronting racism within polyamorous communities.

By Esther Perel, Paperback

Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, PSYCHOLOGY/Human Sexuality

One of the world's most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love.

Too often, the neurodivergent community is marginalized, de-sexualized or patronized. Neurodivergent people are often not seen as part of the romantic or sexual landscape, let alone as people who can have multiple partners. However, the fact that neurodivergent people do not see the world or operate within it as other people do makes nonmonogamy both uniquely challenging and uniquely well-suited to them.

This book is for neurodivergent people considering or practicing nonmonogamy. Its goal is to help neurodivergent people understand how well-suited they are to the polyamorous life, and to help them recognize and manage the challenges that being neurodivergent can bring to nonmonogamy. It is also for the partners and potential partners of neurodivergent people, to encourage them to understand different perspectives and to help them be understanding, accommodating and well-informed. Nomonogamous relationships do not belong exclusively to the neurotypicals, but to us all.,

How can I enjoy my hot disabled body whilst dealing with internalised ableism?

How can I best navigate my sex life with mobility issues or a carer?

Why are queer spaces so inaccessible - and what can I do about it?

Andrew Gurza is seriously hot. He's also seriously disabled. Having spent a lifetime navigating the bars, clubs and apps of the queer scene, he's learned a thing or two about sparking queer crip joy amidst the hellscape of ableism, microaggressions and 'pity sex'.

With advice on everything from sexual autonomy and self-pleasure to date-prep and disability disclosure - this is both a self-care bible and an urgent call for the queer community to do better.

By Tammy Nelson, 2021 Paperback

The labels we assign to relationship styles are all constructs -- that is to say a single term doesn't always capture what it is we are looking for. Polygamy, monogamy are labels that we conceptualize as absolutes but are often loaded with preconceived societal notions as to what they are. This book explores a certain aspect that some refer to as "monogam-ish" or an open monogamous relationship. It's a great reference and departure point for couples in established monogamous relationships looking to explore different ways in which commitments to each individual's needs are accounted for. It goes beyond looking at relationship agreements in conventionally traditional way and ways that we consider to be different.

By: Bernadette Barton (Author), 2017, Paperback

What
kind of woman dances naked for money? Bernadette Barton takes us inside
countless strip bars and clubs, from upscale to back road as well as those that
specialize in lap dancing, table dancing, topless only, and peep shows, to
reveal the startling lives of exotic dancers.

Originally published in 2006, the product of years of first-hand research in strip clubs around the country, Stripped is a classic portrait of what it’s like for those who choose to strip as a profession. Barton explores why women begin stripping, the initial excitement and financial rewards of the work, the dangers of the life—namely, drugs and prostitution—and, inevitably, the difficulties in staying in the business over time, especially for their relationships, sexuality and self-esteem.

In this completely revised and updated edition, Barton returns to the strip clubs she originally studied to observe the major changes in the industry that have occurred over the last decade. She examines how “raunch culture” affects exotic dancers’ treatment by their clientele, who are now accustomed to seeing nudity and sexualized performance in accessible, R and X -rated media from a variety of outlets, particularly the Internet. Barton explores how new media has transformed exotic dancing, allowing dancers to build an online brand, but also introducing possibilities for customers to take unauthorized nude photos and videos of the entertainers.. And finally, Barton speaks to new dancers as well as dancers she interviewed in the previous edition, examining how the toll of stripping still impacts the lives of exotic dancers in a changing industry. Incorporating new scholarship, new observations, and increased awareness of emerging media technology, Barton brings a fresh and important perspective on the challenges that women face working in the still-thriving world of exotic dancing.

'Invaluable' RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
'Refreshingly honest, comprehensive and realistic' MEG-JOHN BARKER

Embarking on a non-monogamous relationship can be a daunting experience, opening old wounds that cause anxiety, fear and confusion, something Lola Phoenix knows about all too well.

In this all-you-need-to-know guide to exploring non-monogamy, polyamory and open relationships, Lola draws upon their years of experience in giving advice and being non-monogamous to provide guidance for every stage of your journey, helping you to prioritise your mental health and well being along the way.

Beginning with advice on starting out - such as finding your anchor, figuring out your personal reasons for pursuing non-monogamy, challenging your fears and practicing self-compassion - the book proceeds to cover the emotional aspects of non-monogamous relationships, including dealing with jealousy and judgement, managing anxiety and maintaining independence, as well as practical elements such as scheduling your time, negotiating boundaries and managing your expectations, all accompanied with activities for further exploration.
Whether you are new to non-monogamy, or have been non-monogamous for years, this insightful and empowering book will provide you with the emotional tools you will need to live a happy non-monogamous life.

Winner of the MLA's 2016 Alan Bray Prize for Best Book in GLBTQ Studies
How BDSM can be used as a metaphor for black female sexuality. The Color of Kink explores black women's representations and performances within American pornography and BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism) from the 1930s to the present, revealing the ways in which they illustrate a complex and contradictory negotiation of pain, pleasure, and power for black women.

Based on personal interviews conducted with pornography performers, producers, and professional dominatrices, visual and textual analysis, and extensive archival research, Ariane Cruz reveals BDSM and pornography as critical sites from which to rethink the formative links between Black female sexuality and violence. She explores how violence becomes not just a vehicle of pleasure but also a mode of accessing and contesting power. Drawing on feminist and queer theory, critical race theory, and media studies, Cruz argues that BDSM is a productive space from which to consider the complexity and diverseness of black women's sexual practice and the mutability of black female sexuality. Illuminating the cross-pollination of black sexuality and BDSM, The Color of Kink makes a unique contribution to the growing scholarship on racialized sexuality.

By: Sara Youngblood Gregory (Author); 2022; Paperback

Successfully navigate nonmonogamous relationships with this practical workbook filled with activities, journal prompts, interviews, and more activities designed to make polyamory work for you and your loved ones.

What makes nonmonogamy feel good? Where do we draw the line between loving, freedom-based relationships and a free-for-all? How can you make the joyful, secure polyamorous relationships you want a reality? The Polyamory Workbook not only answers these questions, but also helps you determine what you really want when it comes to your life, your relationships, and the community you build-and how to get it.

Packed with helpful journal prompts, activities, and advice designed to make polyamory work for you and your loved ones,The Polyamory Workbook draws key information from real polyamorous people and relationship experts to help you expand your emotional and relational toolbox, better preparing you for the dive into nonmonogamy. This workbook focuses on the foundational knowledge everyone interested in or already practicing polyamory should know, including:

• Types of nonmonogamy
• Communication styles
• Boundary setting
• Consent
• Metamours and jealousy
• Pitfalls and red flags
• Breakups
• And more!

Whether you’re new to nonmonogamy or have been practicing polyamory for a while, The Polyamory Workbook will help you identify and break away from fear-based relationships and journey toward freer, more joyful connections.

The Polysecure Workbook encourages examination of any attachment challenges you may have experienced in your opening up process and offers insights into how to build secure relationships. Through practical exercises, you will explore your own attachment history, examine your reasons for practicing nonmonogamy and the different styles of nonmonogamy that you relate to, and consider whether you rely on relationship structure for your attachment security. The Polysecure Workbook provides the tools needed to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships and to build personal security.

An up-close look at how porn permeates our culture

Pictures of half-naked girls and women can seem to litter almost every screen, billboard, and advertisement in America. Pole-dancing studios keep women fit. Men airdrop their dick pics to female passengers on planes and trains. To top it off, the last American President has bragged about grabbing women “by the pussy.”

This pornification of our society is what Bernadette Barton calls “raunch culture.” Barton explores what raunch culture is, why it matters, and how it is ruining America. She exposes how internet porn drives trends in programming, advertising, and social media, and makes its way onto our phones, into our fashion choices, and into our sex lives. From twerking and breast implants, to fake nails and push-up bras, she explores just how much we encounter raunch culture on a daily basis―porn is the new normal.

Drawing on interviews, television shows, movies, and social media, Barton argues that raunch culture matters not because it is sexy, but because it is sexist. She shows how young women are encouraged to be sexy like porn stars, and to be grateful for getting cat-called or receiving unsolicited dick pics. As politicians vote to restrict women’s access to birth control and abortion, The Pornification of America exposes the double standard we attach to women’s sexuality.

By Esther Perel, Paperback

Sexuality Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal?